 So it's been a while. It's been a hard, painful while since I had surgery 6 weeks ago. What a journey! There have been moments of intense darkness: when I woke up for the first time after surgery. When I had debilitating anxiety before every therapy session for the first 4 weeks because of the excruciating pain I endured every time we had to bend my leg. When I felt alone, regardless of all the family, friends and love surrounding me. But there were also moments of brightness: when I held a baby goat and felt it's curiosity. When I received hand-written letters in the mail -- I could feel the concern and the hope. When I took my first steps, two days ago. It has been a scary, enlightening, and frustrating 6 weeks of countless peaks, pits, and plateaus. With this injury (as with many) has come so many questions, concerns, doubts, considerations. What if I can't get strong enough to return to the level of skiing I was maintaining before my crash? What if I get back on skis and am stricken with doubt, crippled by fear? What if...what if I can't even ski again? Though it's unlikely, it is a real possibility. And then...what? Although I have deliberated on this before, never have I done so so thoroughly. I have many passions apart from skiing: singing, climbing, ceramics, to name a few. I attend classes at the University of Oregon every spring term. I write in my journal almost every day: drawing, collaging, contemplating. I try to write a post on my blog at least once a month. I play piano whenever I see one. I paint, although badly, as often as I can. I love working with children, and helping others. Cooking, planning and socializing are a few of the things that keep me sane. Creating, moving my body, curiosity and connection are the things that I find most fulfilling. But, right now, my heart lies in the mountains. The snow. The speed. I want to race. If it doesn't work out, I know I'll be fine. I can be happy, regardless of my chosen occupation. But that's just the thing: I want to have a choice. I want to be the one who decides when I'm done ski racing. I don't want my body to hold me back, or the Ski Team to make that decision for me. I want to leave on my own terms. And I don't think I'm ready to do that yet.... But what if I don't have a choice? What if I'm forced to move on by the powers that be? How do I come to terms with that? Throughout my whole ski career I have been all about balance. Balance in my pursuits. Balance on my skis. Balance in my mentality. I like to think I have a balanced and well-rounded perspective. When I think about the number of people in the world who actually pay attention to ski racing, it seems absurd to be a part of this sport. Not to mention the ones who have access and can afford to ski....that's another story altogether. When I traveled down to Chile one year and drove through the slums on my way to Valle Nevado, I asked, "what percentage of the Chilean population actually skis?" And the bus driver answered, "0.1%." Point one percent? That's one in one-thousand. That number is minuscule, considering the incredible skiing they have in Chile. Ski racing is a foreign sport to many people around the world. I once had a TSA agent in Atlanta ask me if my ski boots were roller-blades! So few people on this planet know what ski racing even is, it's a wonder that this sport even thrives at all. So, if no one really knows that my sport exists, can I truly make a difference in this world? What is my ultimate goal? Why do I ski at all?! Skiing is how I express myself. Ski racing is where I feel like my truest, freest self. I want to take that expression, take that creativity and share it with the world. I want to inspire others to do the same -- to follow their dreams. To fall, to fail, to rise back up. To persist and push the limits. To do it all over again. I want people to push to be their best selves. I want to be my best self. I want to not be scared of that person. I want to create positive change in this world, and I hope to inspire others to do the same. So, how do I do these things if I can no longer ski race at the highest level? There are so many incredible prospects, so much potential, so many means through with to achieve these dreams. I can make art. I can make music. I can make people think, create conversation about change and inspire that conversation to grow. I could travel the world, spread the love, blog, make connections, and catalyze change that way. I could volunteer at the community arts center, volunteer at a women's health clinic in Africa. I could volunteer as a leader. I could write a book, write a song, carve a new path through the woods. I could become a vet, an architect, a nutritionist. The options are limitless. But I'm not overwhelmed or afraid. In fact, I look forward to life after skiing: to completing my degree in fine-arts. To figuring out the next step, trusting in it, and jumping in head first, with no regrets. I will be an impetus of positive change no matter where I go, because that is what I really want to do. But, for now, I will continue on this path to recovering from injury, and following my dreams of being one of the best skiers in the world. Of going to the Olympics in 9 months, and competing at the highest level. I will continue to work my ass off, as I have been doing, and grind until I can grind no longer. I will do everything I can to come back stronger, as I truly believe I can. This break from skiing is only going to make me miss it more, make me hungry, and make me fierce. But if it doesn't work out, there is another endeavor waiting for me -- waiting for all of us -- when this one comes to an end. And I will not let that end scare me or hold me back. I will let it be my motivation to make the most of what I have, where I am, right now. And to move forward with no regrets. Change is inevitable. Nothing is permanent. I want to embrace that, and live that change to the fullest. Because....why not?
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 you can only flow with the change, enjoy the ride, and take advantage of the beauty when you accept and love nature in it's varying forms I have been intending to make this post for a while now, as I got back many film photos that I have taken over the past year recently and have been wanting to share them. Then I was reading through my journal the other day and thought it might be interesting to give you a glance into my brain.... So I came up with the idea of pulling segments of my journal entries and partnering them with this batch of film photos. It actually took a lot longer than I thought it would, as I realized how personal my writing is in my journal, and how I wanted the photos to somewhat correspond or at least harmonize with the words. The quotes are short, but succinct. They display my inner struggles, my doubts, fears, and my attempts at confidence boosting and grounding. It is finally coming together as I have managed to badly injure my knee and am stuck on a couch for a while. Ice, compression, therapy, food, sleep, and blogging. I hope you can enjoy reading this post as much as I did composing it.  so many blank, clean pages to look forward to  I am getting closer to being ready to trust, ready to believe in myself  trust your decisions -- trust your instinct, trust your body  and, you have already decided anyway. so that's that.  ...I was reminded that you don't have to search for that quiet, calm, confident and still place. It exists inherently. It is always there.  pure flow, pure focus, is our most essential self  heading to a balanced, driven, calm state where I need to be  I wish I could have kept on believing  that is the real me that I want to harness  know that this is exactly where you're supposed to be  maybe that creature of self-doubt will return...  to believe, to play, to revel in that silent, joyful curiosity  when one is truly acting from the heart, performing from the soul, they do not care about what others think  how to enjoy something that you don't necessarily like is a difficult feat. Just because it isn't your style, per-se, doesn't mean you can't embrace it, enjoy it, welcome what Mother Nature has to give you, with open arms  lay in the sun, play in the ocean, bury yourself in the sand, HEAL  I didn't feel the sun shining on me very often  he reminds me that it is about the journey, that there is so much joy and pure pleasure to be found in every day, every run, every breath  believe, just for the sake of believing  the training wasn't great, but the mountains were gorgeous  anchor yourself to the present moment  it is the darkness, the mind, that covers it up and makes you forget the light  that got into my head and freaked me right out. in the end my doubt and deep, internal fear took over  to care about others so deeply that you no longer make comparisons....  your position gives you the opportunity to move beyond the boundaries of where you are physically  I am working on my calm  it feels so nice to feel the fluid-ink run out of the tip as I make these marks  see the world, every person, every relationship, every conversation as an opportunity to practice.  love them, listen to them, watch them and know that, like all thoughts, they are fleeting and not real  "the nullifying, defeating, negating, repeating joy of life" - Joanna Newsom  let your light shine through the strength of that connection
 I have been meaning to do this for so very long. Finally, I have filtered through thousands of photos of mine from Burning Man and chosen over 100 to present to you here.... This first one I took of an art car (ship!) and the crowd around Distrikt -- A huge, very popular, music/dance club located at F and 9:00. At any given time (2 pm, 4 am, 10 am, whever) there were thousands of people dancing and partying around Distrikt, with extremely loud music pumping and (pretty gross) drinks served constantly.  I'll go back to the beginning. I took this photo while we were driving into BM during the sunrise. Excitement levels were high.  Kevin and I becoming "devirginized" by making sand-angels  Upon entering, we were made to yell "I'M NOT A VIRGIN ANYMORE!" and ring this bell :)  We made it to camp and set up our yurts! Wahoo! Time to explore!  Day 1 -- out on the Playa  Exploring!  Trying out some costumes in the yurt  Lots of dirt and big, big skies  ...And art! Such incredible art!  Burning Man = most hardcore biking community I have ever seen....  ....and the most magical  Is this art, or is it encouraging art, or is it a statement or is it just nice to have a desk in the middle of the desert?  Biking adventures!  Resting on a suspended platform above Distrikt and a sweet hula-hooping camp  ....and there are the hula hoopers! (Kevin and Dana)  An interesting art car  Some fun sculptures on the playa (these reminded me of snow)  Partying at Distrikt  We found this awesome circus camp next to Distrikt. Let's just say I had more fun at the circus camp.... it was hard to go back to the craziness that is Distrikt after some peace and body-movement in this camp!  Learning from a gymnastics / circus pro.... attempting to figure out the single-arm handstand  Just a regular-old handstand. Getting some good tips from circus man  ...Coaxed back to Distrikt! Loving the photo bomber....  Dana had these incredible hand-knitted costumes made for her and Kevin  A view from atop the suspended platform near Distrikt... the first time I realized that BM may be slightly commercialized and white trash....  Flags in the wind. This first day was one of the least windy -- dust storms got worse throughout the week  Ashley, swinging  The official torch-lighters (apparently this is a big deal) who light the main road to the man  Explorers on the Playa  Fun-havers in the setting sun  Loooove this tea-pot art-train!!!  DAY TWO: morning yoga-meditation tent  Inside of the tent  ...a bit of a windier day... this was our camp shower (looks ghetto but it felt sophisticated)  Such a powerful lady bug  Girls having fun under a giant serpent sculpture  ... our superhero moves  ...and then we found a dance-party at a gay camp and had the time of our lives  ...and then I found a trampoline! BAHHHH  So fun!  DAY THREE: I found Lily! Or did Lily find me?  Another one of Dana's hand-knit costumes at Soren and Nicole's engagement party  Soren popping the question, much to Nicole's surprise. Such a thoughtful and gorgeous proposal  Nicole being a badass  Acro-yoga at center camp  Burning Man at night was sort of like being on an inhabited moon.....  Preparing our bicycles for a nighttime outing.... playa dust and colorful lights  Bike-lights are a MUST when 70,000 hippies are out riding around the desert with no rules.... zoom!  One of my favorite works of art out on the Playa...a beautiful wood-cut, tear-drop sculpture  Lit-up against the dark night sky  Love. This. Another quote in this sculpture: "Move back and forth with the change, and let what batters you become your strength"  A fun geodesic dome  DAY FOUR: wedding prep!  Dana and Wasabi -- our camp chef/bartender with the endlessly smiling face  Heading to the Temple for the wedding ceremony!  So psyched to be the unicorn Bridesmaid  The Temple is past the Man -- so we biked the lengthy distance (the bride carried the party favors)  Kevin being a butterfly  Such a happy groom  Enjoying the ride  Playa dwellers around the Temple  Marriage-bound  The 2016 Burning Man Temple  The most goddamned stylish/sexy bride and groom to ever be  Temple-sky -- all wood-cut sculpture....  ...ready!  So in love... barf! Haha!  An awesome wedding party  Wedding sunset was about to be on-point!  ...and then I found this while wandering....  A nice wedding venue  Art-car in the windy sunset  ...dusty unicorn and friends  Different kinds of light  A neat tunnel  DAY FIVE: a sunrise mission for these dragons, after not much sleep....  Selfies felt weird at BM. I literally saw more cell-phones than people out there.... kind of made me sad... (this was taken with a camera. I didn't use my phone while at BM)  Preparing for a sunrise burn!!!  The pyramids on fire... this was one of my favorite installations (all large installations are burnt throughout the week). You could walk up the side of the pyramid for a nice lookout view of the playa  ...everybody needs coffee after a 5 am wake-up call on the morning after the wedding night...  ...we found Robot Heart! Where Nicole and Soren first met....  The Sunrise Cafe  An insane dragon art-car  A squid-looking climbable sculpture in the sunrise  Doing what I did a lot of...taking photos  Another angle  Kevin maneuvering through some art obstacles  K & D & The Man (it is much larger than this photo makes it look)  Our camp (Heroes & Super Villains) hosted a brunch party one morning, and I contributed my BM gift through the form of hand-printed, stamped postcards adorned with a Polaroid of the sender....  A few postcards... I made and sent over 200!  It surprised me how many people were thrilled to send postcards out to family and friends in the "default" world -- here I am manning the Polaroid photo/postcard stand  After the photo shoot was over we climbed atop the RV for our last Burning Man sunset. Dana really wanted to wear my Olympic speed suit. She looked hot in it.  Atop Soren and Nicole's RV  The brunch party continued until after the sun went down....  Next to our camp was an insanely comfortable (and dirty) ball-pit. The ultimate relaxation.  ...from the ball pit  A Labyrinth near our camp  Another photo of the MAGIC sculpture. I will leave you with that. I hope you weren't overwhelmed by these photographs. Please let me know if you have any questions or comments! I would love to hear from you -- feedback, curiosities, etc. Thanks for looking! Have a lovely day.
 I'm going to write this blog post a little bit differently than I usually do. I will just upload the photos, write about the corresponding adventures, and attempt to do so in (mostly) chronological order. After landing in Queenstown we took off in rental minivans (on the strange side of the road) toward Lake Tekapo, for training at Round Hill. Above is a photo of Ales, my technician, and myself setting up skis (and a GoPro) early in the morning. The sunrises from Round Hill were spectacular most mornings, and I took a pretty epic timelapse one morning, of which this photo belongs to :)  There is an observatory at the top of a large hill near Lake Tekapo, and Resi, Jim and I decided to hike/jog up to the top one day for carrot cake and chai. 'twas a delightful and yummy post-training adventure.  We did some stair jumps/sprints to the top. It was so beautiful and sunny from up there, and the view of all the surrounding mountains is seriously impressive.  Exploring with this girl is one of my favorites ;) Miss you Resi.  Lake Tekapo is a gorgeous giant. There is something so mesmerizing about its blue waters, especially at dusk. Resi and I went down to the water a few evenings to decompress and breathe the big air.  There's something inspiring about being around other creators. When I'm around people who are constantly drawing, taking photos, creating things, and pushing their limits I find myself embodying that same mindset. And I love it. Because that is where I find my sweetspot--in moments of being nearly overwhelmed by projects, deadlines, and forced creativity. I thrive so well in the presence of other driven artists and innovators. Thank-you for pushing me, for showing me how to be my best by striving to be yours.  And now for a few photographs, without the chatter     I have been doing a lot of group photo projects where I ask people to get together when the light is low and have them pose in different positions, holding them for a few seconds each, in order to get the ghost-like image above. Resi is such a good photographic experimental subject :D After a week of training Round Hill (a week there is enough!), we drove back to Arrowtown for some speed training in Cardrona. The weather was poor when we arrived (rainy and gross), so we ended up taking 2 days off and recuperating before 4 days of Super-G and GS skiing. On the few days we had off, I was working hard on an art project (a ceramic-ski collaboration! more on that to come soon), but Martina thankfully dragged me outside for a walk one day.  Getting outside after the rain really cleared my head. The scent of wet dirt and growing things was essential to the progress on my project. And the colors! The firework-like bursts of reds and greens spotting the hill-sides is something I love about the wintertime in New Zealand. It feels more like spring, like things are coming to life, blooming, and showing their color.   Walking around near Arrowtown provided a totally different color scheme than the one we saw at Lake Tekapo (as you can see from the two series of photos). Martina and I stopped at an art gallery on our way to the river trail. I really enjoyed the landscape oil paintings that one of the women was working on (far wall). She had an incredible eye for catching the lighting, which is one of my favorite aspects of New Zealand: the way the light hits the hillsides and mountain-tops, creating shadows and pockets of light that seem surreal to the naked eye.  The image below is actually a shot I took from the top of Ohau, but is a good example of what I mean by the magic lighting:  It was a bit of a gloomy day when we went out for a walk, but there were pockets of brightness and adventures to be had. The river trail that begins in Arrowtown is one of my favorite walks to take after a long day of skiing or staring at a computer screen...   (a good place for handstands)  There is a little historic village where Chinese miners settled in the mid-1800's. The sizes of their huts are incredible. Talk about tiny homes! It was really amazing to peek inside and see what life was like for them back then. Simplicity was key: the only elements inside the huts were fire pits, sleeping areas and a tiny space for cooking and sitting. Their uncomplicated way of life is at once humbling and inspiring.  Training in Cardrona got better every day, but by the time the snow was hard it was time to pack up and head to Ohau for the last stop of our training camp.   I have been to New Zealand many years, but this was my first year traveling to Ohau. Ohau is a tiny resort in between Queenstown and Lake Tekapo, a few kilometers off of the main highway. Ohau Lodge, where we stayed, is settled right above Lake Ohau and about a 20 minute drive up to the ski area. It's an adorable little hotel with delicious food and incredible views of the lake and mountains. The photos above are of Ohau Lodge and it's beautiful surroundings :)  The skiing at Ohau Ski Fields is really special. It is such a tiny resort, with a local community feel, friendly vibes, and a few great runs. The training in Ohau was really impressive: steep, challenging and icy. Our coaches watered the hill a few days before we arrived, and it turned out perfect! There was a little hike (10 minutes or so) from the top of the chair up to the ridge overlooking the Southern New Zealand alps. We went up there originally to take photos for a naked calendar we're working on for a fundraiser (yep. you read it right), but the views were so incredible that I ended up hiking it twice and taking many photos of the endless mountains (above).  There is not a vast amount of free skiing at Ohau, but the small amount of off-piste skiing is really fun.  Alice and I got to go heli-skiing one day....which was incredibly lucky and INSANELY fun!!! I posted a video on my Instagram page with some clips from heli-skiing (@lalalaurenne) please check it out!  Another example of the light/shadow/hillsides and crazy colors that comes of it all.  Ski camp flew by, as it usually does down in New Zealand, and time came for me to pick up my Jucy van and my man and take a road trip. I made the drive, yet again, back to Queenstown to pick up the van, stayed the night, and took off for Lake Tekapo to pick up Tommy the next afternoon. Above are some bee-boxes that I stumbled upon while taking a pee-break with Megan on our drive back to Tekapo.  As we got a fairly late start, we didn't make it too far on the first day and ended up camping near Methven. The van we rented was amazing--with the bed up top, there was plenty of room in the main part for our stuff. There was even a little pull-out table, a fridge, two gas-burner stove tops, and a whole kitchen setup. We ended up cooking almost every meal while on the road, and thoroughly enjoyed living out of such a small space (still larger than the Chinese huts...). It was nice to keep things simple, and have a home that was mobile for a few days.  Same shot, different angle/camera.  Lake Pukaki on my way to get Tommy. I had to stop. The lighting was remarkable.  We took off from Methven and headed toward Arthur's Pass. That afternoon we made it to Castle Hill, one of the places we both most wanted to visit, and explored for a few hours through the gigantic maze of rocks. The photo above was taken from Castle Hill, of a hill side opposite the Park, as the sun was going down.    The sky was such a brilliant blue that day. We were so incredibly lucky with the weather during our van camping trip...it didn't rain or snow one day. It was slightly cloudy one afternoon, but otherwise bluebird and gorgeous.   The climbing at Castle Hill looked fantastic. I was slightly sick at the time, and barely had enough energy to walk, but touching the rock with my bare hands made me yearn to move up. Someday I'll have to go back for a climbing trip. And I'll definitely attempt to scale this mushroom rock (above).  My colossal shadow, threatening Tommy's form.  As the sun began to move behind the snowy peaks, the moon showed itself. I became intrigued by my 300mm zoom lens during this trip to NZ, and used it to take many of the mountain peak shots you'll see in this post.  I love the way these rocks took such funny, cartoonish forms. They seem to be playing with each other, making jokes, dancing.  There were a few small ponds around the Castle Hill rocks, and they created fabulous reflections....    A neat rock-archway  Happy adventurers soaking up the sun.  Tommy watching the sun go down.  Sheep and a blue reflective stream, from atop Castle Hill As the sun went down, the cold air began to permeate our clothing layers. So we jumped back in the van and hit the road, in search of a camping spot. We stopped in the town of Castle Hill, which was a tiny, quiet little village. Set in the midst of the mountains, it seemed like a peaceful place to rest, but we couldn't find anywhere to camp. So we continued up Arthur's Pass, and as it started to get quite dark we passed Lake Pearson and pulled off of the road to settle for the night by the water. I suppose we should have foreseen the freezing temperatures as we were near the lake and up high in the mountains, but we froze our buns off that night with no plug-in or heater.  Our home by Lake Pearson  A beautifully frigid campsite.  The above photo was taken by Tommy :) After awakening quite early with the cold and first light of the sun, we stepped out of the van to a pleasant surprise.  There was a thick fog being lit up and colored by the rising sun. The frost was biting and weighty, but the birds didn't seem to mind.    Through the thick of the early morning fog we saw 2 black swans playing nearby....  I saw black swans on two different occasions on this trip through New Zealand, and it was my first time actually eying them. I didn't even know they were a real thing....?!   Cute little duck butt. After nearly freezing my fingers off, we decided to take off in the van to find a spot in the sun to cook breakfast.   We ended up stopping in the town of Arthur's Pass for some coffee and gas, then continued down the West side of the pass toward the coast to find some warmth.  We found a perfect spot in the sun (above) and cooked some bacon and enjoyed the view. Then it was down through the green rainforest and off to the coast.  We moseyed on down the coast, with no solid plan of a camping spot that night. After passing through Franz Josef and stopping for a soak at the hot springs, we decided to head to Fox Glacier and check it out for the evening.  The next day was my birthday, and I was looking to explore. We had a slow, easy morning before deciding to cover both the beach and the glacier in one day. So we headed down to Gillespie's Beach, just 10 miles from Fox Glacier, for some playing in the sand.  A close-up of the foamy wash.   Tommy either put this sign together in a matter of seconds while I wasn't looking, or just magically found it on the beach near where we were walking. It worked out perfectly :)    After a long walk down the beach and back, we headed back to the van to cook some lunch and plan our glacier trip.  Flowers on the walk back from the beach  Reading while Tommy cooked lunch in the van.  We hit the road and headed back up toward Fox Glacier, which we could see the bottom of, jutting right out of the rain forest.  We parked at the lot near the trailhead and walked/jogged up to the base of the glacier.  The river running down from Fox Glacier  Glacial glory  Looking down from the top of the glacier hike. Those were some nice green-laden rock walls!  Post-glacier and rainforest ogling, we hit the road and headed back over Haast Pass, by Hawea Lake and finally landed in Wanaka for dinner and drinks at the Federal Diner (awesome spot!). On our drive back over to the Eastern side of the mountains, we stopped to see the ocean one last time, and Tommy snapped the below photo while I was driving:    Road photos!  We stayed with some friends in Wanaka. It was nice to sleep in a big, comfy bed that I could sit up in, but I did miss the feeling of waking up in the van. Upon waking in the morning, we headed into town for some breakfast and exploring. Wanaka is an awesome town, set on a stunning lake and bustling with energy (the above photo is . There was a market in town when we were wandering, and we did some shopping, walking, and lots of eating before heading back to Ohau.  Tommy really wanted to skate Wanaka's skate park  Seagulls on the shore  Meandering all morning around town was nice, but it was time to get back in the gym. We stopped for a pizza and hit the natural food store before cruising out of town and back to Ohau for 2 nights. Tommy was heading back to ski camp, and we were ending our road trip basically where I started.  Luckily they had plug-ins at Ohau Lodge, so we spent two more nights in the van while Tommy skied and I worked out, wandered, and took photos. I packed my things and prepared to leave.  Old rust on an old faming machine in front of Ohau Lodge  "The Shining" hallway of Ohau Lodge  It was a short but successful road trip. We saw many mountains, hill-sides, plains, waters, glaciers, grasses, trees, and skies. There aren't many sunrises or sunsets that beat the ones you witness when in New Zealand. I am already looking forward to returning once more.   a branch after a fresh rainfall near Arrowtown, NZ As we move farther into the digital realm--expressing ourselves through Social Media, making more virtual connections and less truly physical ones--it is often extremely hard for me to know where to draw lines. I value Social Media highly--knowing it is a powerful tool as a professional athlete that I use to connect to fans and a very wide audience. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat; these outlets allow me to express my character and opinions, they can help me to expose ideas or issues to a varying audience. They open up many doors--to ski-racing fans and kids, to sponsorships, to the eyes of those who do not or cannot travel and explore like I am so lucky to be able to do. I know that one photograph and caption on Instagram can brighten someone's day, inspire people to adventure, to stand up for what they believe in, inspire them to be courageous, to move their bodies, to do something wild, to connect to nature, or simply just to smile. Facebook is a tool I can use to keep my friends, family, and fans updated on where I am and what I'm doing. Twitter can help me bring issues I find important to light, and help spread the word about stimulating and inspiring ideas. My website and blog allow me to devise my own platform, to design and create, to post photographs and words like these, to give you a glimpse into my mind and show you another side of myself that you cannot see on the race course. I am grateful for these opportunities that SM provides, and I constantly attempt to use them to make our world a brighter, humbler, and more open place.
It is rare for me to go anywhere without a camera, without my phone, or without a journal. Having these tools makes me feel connected to other people, as I can ultimately use them to make a post and spark conversation. But...is that what it's always about? I sometimes wonder if I ever truly do anything for myself. Is Instagram an end goal, the purpose of my adventures and photos? Is my blog the final destination for journal entries? Admittedly, the answers to these questions is sometimes yes. I wish it were less often true, never true, but sometimes I take a walk because I know there is a beautiful photograph waiting to be shared. Why, if not for sharing and enjoying with others, do we take pictures anyway? Writing a journal entry for the sole purpose of posting it for the public to read is not normally something I would do. In fact, I would be mortified if my journal entries were all published somehow--if my secrets and fears, sadnesses and childish hopes were exposed for all to see. So, okay, maybe my journal is an exception, but it is so often that I do things with a SM post on the back of my mind. This fact seems to be becoming so habitual that now the thought of a post is often subconscious--maybe the purpose of a photograph is so that I can see something/a scenery/an object from a different angle, but I know that ultimately there is potential for others to see the picture. That understanding permeates my every editing session, causing me to sometimes erase photos that I originally took for myself but would not be proud to show others. It forces me to throw away sketches, to hide shitty ceramic pieces, to over-edit some photographs in order to please other's eyes. But aren't all these 'embarrassing' works a part of who I am? They are all individual stepping stones on the path to who I will become. I should not be ashamed, and I know not everything needs to be shared, but what I do share I want to be an expression of my best self. My public image is the person I want to be. Okay, we all make mistakes...but I would say that at the given moment in time of a post, this statement is true. This is how I want to be seen, this is how I want others to interpret my being. Why do I care what others see, what others think of me? One important reason is that it's part of my job. I am in the public eye, and although my personal audience may be relatively small (say, compared to Lindsey's), I have some sort of influence over what they are exposed to. But, am I doing this for them? Am I taking photos, creating, writing for them? Yes, and no. Perhaps sometimes Social Media is a big reason why I go out, why I explore, why I create. But if it weren't for SM, maybe sometimes I wouldn't go out. I wouldn't force myself to bring my camera. Maybe I wouldn't dive into ice-cold glacial lakes, reach the peaks of mountains--the very, tippy-peaks--, explore foreign cities, do hand-stands everywhere. I wouldn't get down on my hands and knees, on my belly in the dirt and snow, do that funny squat thing to get the shot. I wouldn't see everything I see from all the angles that I see it all from if it weren't for my camera and, ultimately, sharing photographs with others. I wouldn't force myself to write, to expand my viewpoints and ideas, to think things through, use proper grammar, vocalize my intuition and introspection with eloquence and precision if it weren't for the dialogue that I create with others. That all being said, there is a time and place for everything. The internet is a crazy place for discovery and connection, but it is not, in the true sense of the word, 'wild.' Wildness is something you find outside, where there are no screens, where plants and animals roam and grow, and i-Phones and other devices will die much quicker than the rest of us. My computer can't live out there for long, not like this pen and paper (the original version of this post was written in my journal), and I am grateful for that. Sometimes I have to force myself to leave my phone and camera at home, to go out on my own, or with other human beings, and make discoveries for the sole purpose of real life experience and personal gratification. I have to imprint sceneries on my mind, remember a place by it's scent, and appreciate the rawness of nature for helping me breathe, find purpose, and remember who I really am--an animal. I have to make connections with real-live humans, have a face-to-face conversation--which is a rare, desirable thing in these days of virtual saturation. I find myself yearning for physical human touch, thirsty for realness and skin, for watching another's mouth move and hands gesture in live expression. I know the intrinsic value within these physical relationships and encounters, and I hope I can always remember the importance of them. I hope everybody can. So....although the internet and Social Media can inspire and motivate me, there is a line I need to draw for myself at times. Wildness, wilderness, exploration, physical connection, and adventure are also incredibly inspiring and more--they're grounding. Where and when do I make the distinction between SM inspired outings and some time and space to breathe, sans-gadgets, uninfluenced by posts and the public eye? I need to more often do things for myself, leave my phone and camera behind and know that the potential for something great to come of naked adventure is high, even if that greatness is simple presence and poise, or an imaginative conversation. But I also realize how appreciative I need to be of SM because of how it encourages me to explore and create. The edge of society and nature is where I delicately balance and thrive, and maintaining that composure can often prove to be a precarious juggling act, but it is within these acrobatics that I find joy and purpose. It's been a busy spring. But then again, I can't remember the last season of my life that wasn't busy. There was a summer one year between my sophomore and junior years of high school where I filed charts in a medical clinic. It was boring, but that was the least busy I remember feeling. Going to work, filing papers, and then returning home to play piano, violin, and chat on AOL. It's funny to think of my high-school days: attending a public school, playing in 2 orchestras and singing in 2 choirs, skiing on the weekends, and hanging out with friends (swimming in Elle's pool and watching Monty Python, getting ready for proms and bargaining with teachers). Life is a bit different now, but I often wonder if it's simply how I perceive things. Have I always been this busy? Have I always been slightly chronically stressed, chasing to-do lists and workouts, looking forward to those weekends I can take off to the coast and disconnect? Even though I sit every morning when I wake, I still manage to get caught up in what's coming next, or what happened yesterday. I suppose if I were ever-present then my blog would be extremely dull, and I would be incapable of planning and preparing. There are so many justifications for staying present, but with my lifestyle there are also many times I get to delight in being a planner.  driving over a pass in Austria sometime in January Planning and reminiscing. I was looking through past blog posts and realized that I haven't updated since March. Thankfully I wrote about the end of my season, because it now feels so far away that I can't seem to remember it clearly or with much precision or specificity. It is with these conditions that I tend to write my best. SO I will move onto my spring and early summer....  looking up at a building in Barcelona Although I was in Barcelona in March in between my final World Cup races, it seems like that was when my spring really started. Getting to spend some time there with Elle reminded me of my springs in Eugene where we have spent most of our time together. It was also so warm and spring-like....  friendship in the sand  Elle by the ocean in Sète, France (shot with 35 mm Lomography turquoise film) After U.S. Nationals (a blur!), I headed straight back to Oregon to start school on the following Monday. I had to skip the GS in order to get to my first class on time :) I again attended the University of Oregon's spring term, and am chipping away at my Bachelor degree in Fine Arts. I took print-making, ceramics, and psychology this spring, all of which were unique and engaging classes. See below for some photos of my work from the spring:  carving out the ground on my intaglio matrix for printmaking We utilized four different methods in Printmaking: Lino-cut, Wood-cut, Intaglio, and Screen-printing. I enjoyed every technique, but my favorite was Intaglio, in which you spread a plastic ground onto a copper plate, carve out what you want to etch with a metal tool, and then place the plate into an acidic etching bath. When you take it out and remove the ground, the image is permanently etched into the copper. You can also dry-point, by carving directly onto the plate without using ground or needing to etch. I used an aquatint technique to get the grey and darker areas on the outer edges. It is an extremely tedious process, especially when it comes to spreading the ink on the plate and printing it well. But I loved it so much, and hope to take more print-making classes in the future.  the final product of my Intaglio print Lino-cut was a process I have done before, and is really simple. You carve out the negative portion of the image (which can be confusing, especially if you are using text!), and leave the lino as the positive. I used my sister's Pit bull, Honey, as inspiration:  my lino-cut prints My Ceramics class was also really wonderful. I wanted to get better at throwing clay on the wheel, and making consistent forms, so I labored away and threw over 100 pieces. It was hard for me to integrate creativity into this process, as my time was limited and my goals were to gain experience on the wheel. So it was somewhat disappointing to walk away from the class feeling like I made so many objects that weren't particularly imaginative. But the process was what I wanted to learn more about, and I feel like I accomplished that.  I also made my first tea-pots! Which were insanely difficult to execute well, or even to the extent of fulfilling their objective role. The glaze would fill holes, handles would break off, spouts would crack, lids would be too small or too big.... but I managed to walk away with a few functional tea-pots :)  I tried to repeat forms on the wheel, producing nearly-identical cups, bowls, etc. for a set. Since many pieces don't actually end up making it from clay to finished cup, due to cracking, fracturing, glaze accidents, breaking, etc., you need to throw many more pieces at the wheel than you expect to walk away with.  some glaze experiments, as I was trying to come up with a glaze theme for my final project  a functioning tea-pot  some of my final pieces in a crate, ready to come home  my final presentation -- doilies! It was relieving to finish all my final projects and walk away from school with finished pieces and prints, but I don't feel like I'm ready to move on from creating. So I got a membership at the Clayhouse Studios in Park City, and I have been conducting some more experiments. Although my time in the studio is limited, it is nice to be able to pop over for a few hours in between workouts and slip into a different mind set, zone out, and fulfill my urge to design things.  working on my vase forms  adding some details I guess I skipped the part of my life that happened between school and Utah. I suppose that's because it was a bit of a blur. I was home for 4 days, (which seemed like 1) running around like a chicken with her head cut off, trying to make time for friends and enjoying the Oregon wilderness before heading to the Utah heat. Attending appointments, unpacking, repacking, organizing my things from the winter season, catching up on bills and mail and and and.... Let's just say most of it does not deserve to be published in any blog, but is imperative to maintaining a normal life. Does my life qualify as normal....? Hmmm. There WAS my Shred camp at Bachelor, which was in the middle of May between school weeks, which was the awesomest. I enjoy ripping around with kids so much, I wish I had the time and energy to do more than 1 shred camp a year. I am certainly considering it for future springs. It was great to have Tommy around to help coach, too. To be back on our home mountain with kids who enjoy skiing as much as we do, soaking up the sun's heat, ripping on salt, playing games and singing on the chair was exactly what I wanted to be doing on that weekend in May.  shredders! After that short break at home in Bend for a few days at the beginning of June, Tommy and I trekked out to Utah in a stuffed-full Ashitaka (his car). There is not much to write about my time in Park City, as I've mostly been spending it in the gym, a bit in the studio, eating, and sleeping. I have managed to slip away on the weekends for some fun, though. My first weekend in Utah I got to go on a guided fly-fishing trip, which was pretty incredible. It was inevitable for me to catch fish, which was a fishing situation I have never been in before. heh.  being told what to do is basically the only way a fish will ever bite my hook :) The next weekend Tommy and I escaped to Wyoming to attend Camp Marno. And that was a serious BLAST. We got to hike up in the Snowy range to ski some sweet corn down a steep chute, and skinny dip in freezing water at the bottom. There was fishing, drinking, fire-siding, a small music festival, water-ballooning, cooking, a tiny bit of sleeping, and many laughs. And what a beautiful area we got to do it all in.  going up  going down  a very cold and beautiful mountain cascade -- with Whitney and Alice Now I'm up in Canmore, Alberta, spending some time with my family. My grandmother is 97 years old, and still seemingly quite well. My sister Hilary, cousin Ayden, and dad are all up here enjoying some time in the mountains together. I would like to live up here one summer and do some more extensive exploring, but for now, I'm sticking to my crazy plans. I am in Utah for another 2 weeks before heading to Crested Butte, Colorado for a wedding, and then slowly driving back to Oregon. I'll be there for about a week before taking off for New Zealand.
Wahoo! So many adventures to come. So little time to chill, but I am going to try and make a commitment to update my website and blog more regularly. I want to try and write a blog post every month, and I'd like to update y'all at least bi-weekly, or every time I move locations. Please provide any feedback you think I need, and enjoy the remainder of your June! It is, once again, almost time to get back to chasing snow!!!! more complete randomness ensues below....  seven (+4) swans a swimmin' /// Geneva, Switzerland  a light and sparkling falling snow /// Geneva, Switzerland  standing below the ski jump at the Cortina Olympic Park (1956), Italy  downtown nighttime greetings /// Geneva, Switzerland  wandering around Verona, Italy  walking to the ski jump /// Cortina, Italy  I don't even know where this was. but biiiiiiirrrrds!  Verona, Italy  Geneva, Switzerland  can you tell what we spell huh huh huh  I have so much love for this place /// Cortina, Italy  climbing up to the top of the Olympic ski jump hill /// Cortina, Italy  jumping around (photo credit: Anna / Alice) /// Cortina, Italy  Geneva, Switzerland  wondrous water /// Geneva, Switzerland  Verona, Italy (Alice and Stacey)  beautiful alighted sculptures /// somewhere in Geneva, Switzerland  dos mountains doh..... /// Cortina, Italy  ...and the trees  more Geneva, Switzerland  sunrise inspection  an old, destroyed oil barrel (I'm guessing) /// Cortina, Italy  the bestest thing ever to wake up to /// Cortina, Italy
 I was going through my little compact system camera, the one I have been traveling with recently, and I found some serious randomness: from shots of fruit in Chamonix (last March), to railroad tracks in New York (this October/November), to the tree-tops in the hills of Cortina. In part 1 I will post the photos I found from March through November of 2015. There will be color on top, B&W on the bottom. What do you see? (the photo above was taken at a metro/train stop in NYC)  strawberries at the Chamonix market  { Manhatten Bridge }  an interesting mirror/art installation in the Brooklyn Bridge Park  fences/borders/barricades -- Chamonix, France  waiting for the bus in Brooklyn  <> Brooklyn Bridge Park <> Tommy, Julia, and Noel <>  late fall colors  yucky - dumpster - Chamonix  yummy! - pears - Chamonix  ** silly boy in a silly bench **  tiny models in MOMA PS1  another angle of the Manhatten Bridge  the most beautiful trash (maybe?)  ....waiting....  couldn't get enough of those skies....
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my blog!adventures to and from, here and there, home and away, around the world--through my eyes, lens, and mind Archives
October 2018
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